Because I knew you - I have changed for good.

“I've heard it said

That people come into our lives for a reason

Bringing something we must learn

And we are led to those who help us most to grow

If we let them

And we help them in return

Well, I don't know if I believe that's true

But I know I'm who I am today

Because I knew you.”

My sweet niece, Allison, graduates from high school tomorrow. To many people this is not a big deal as graduation happens each year. In fact as a high school teacher, I participate in the graduation ceremony each year. However, this year is much different. I am having trouble processing all of the emotions that I have about Allison graduating. I am proud, amazed, excited, astonished, anxious …  Allison is graduating with high honors and multiple scholarships. As her English teacher I can vouch for her work ethic and prowess in the classroom. Her academic potential is limitless. As her aunt, I am truly astonished at how quickly eighteen years have passed.

Allison was born during my senior year of college, February 14, 1995. My entire adult life has included her. More importantly, my entire adult life has been blessed by being a part of her childhood. I have been amazed as I have watched my younger sister, Emily, develop as a parent. She has sacrificed, fought, studied, struggled, worked, planned, protected, but most all LOVED. She has loved Allison right through everything. The two of them are a force. I feel blessed to have been included in their journey.  So many memories have been flashing through my mind this week. One moment I see a pudgy- faced toddler who worships Disney princesses and the next moment I am speaking with one of my favorite students about her future at OSU. It is a lot to take in when the people you love and your professional purpose --- collide.

Tomorrow, my sweet Allison, as I sit on the field with you as Mrs. Olding and facilitate graduation I am proud of all that you have accomplished at SHS. I will slap you a high five and share your excitement for all that you have earned, just like I will with the rest of my seniors. The trouble is that Aunt Sara will be there too. Aunt Sara is going to take one look at you and weep with amazement at the beautiful, intelligent, thoughtful, INCREDIBLE young woman that you have become.  When I look at you I can’t stop the slide show. I see you with a pacifier in your car seat. I see you in your first communion dress, asleep on my lap for hours. I see you at Christmas ecstatic about opening an American girl doll. I see you begging Bryan not to go back to Chicago, sledding down the hill on Williams Street, on a pontoon with your cousins. The slide show goes on and on.

I guess what I am trying to say is that if the lyrics are accurate and people really do “come into each other’s lives for a reason, bringing something we must learn to help us grow”… well then I owe you a thank you.  You have taught me gratitude. There hasn’t been a day since you were born where I haven’t been grateful to be a part of your life. In fact… “so much of me is made up of what I’ve learned from you.”    You have taught me that family is stronger than anything. Stronger than conflict, career, anger, time, finances, haters, lovers, any of it. You have taught us all that when family comes together nothing else matters. So tomorrow, when the stoic Mrs. Olding can’t keep it together, I want you to know it is all your fault. Because she knew you---she has been changed for good.

I love you.

Giving Thanks and Letting Go

“For what it is worth: it is never too late or, in my case, too early

to be whoever you want to be.”

-       F. Scott Fitzgerald

In all honesty, I have not been dreading turning forty. The number itself doesn’t give me any kind of anxiety at all. I actually appreciate the opportunity it afforded me to consider how I should celebrate. If it were the middle of summer I would love to celebrate on a party bus with my best girlfriends or by taking a trip and maybe when summer gets here that is just what I will do. In the meantime, I decided to celebrate by doing one of my favorite things –running. On May 4, my 40^th birthday, I will run my 10^th half marathon. That is 13 miles of awesome. My gift to myself is the list of things I have written this year.  I have made a list of 13 things I am letting go of as I turn 40. That is one for each mile.  These are things that I have been holding onto that shouldn’t matter… they are unimportant and serve as baggage.  I have also made a list of 13 things I am grateful for. Almost all of the things on this list turned out to be people.  I am blessed with incredible family and friends. My guess is that if you are reading this… you are on the list! Thank you for being in my world and for allowing me to be in yours.

 I am not thrilled about aging, but the truth is… I wouldn’t trade what I know now for what I knew when I was twenty. I have spent the last twenty years learning about the kind person I want to be.  I am proud of the journey…even if it comes with wrinkles.  I like the person I will be at forty far more than the person I was at twenty. In fact… I wrote her a letter.

Dear 20 year old Sara,

You are a junior in college and you should be having more fun and doing less homework. I know you like to fly your nerd flag, but be sure to appreciate the time you have with these incredible friends you have made at Miami.  It won’t always be so easy to find the time to hang out. Do it more of it. Remember that as a rule in general.  Live in the moment. While I have somewhat admonished you from embracing your inner nerd, let me ironically encourage you to read more. You will learn a lot from fictional characters and their journeys won’t leave the same scars that real life journeys will.

A lot is going to happen in the next twenty years. The good news is ALL of it is far better than what you have imagined. It will take you a while to realize some of this stuff, but once you do it will make all of the difference. For example, talk less and listen more. It won’t just make you a better parent, teacher, and friend… it will make you a better person. You learned this from Bryan. By the way… well done. He was, hands down, the best decision you ever made.  Next, forgiveness is actually easier than anger. You can’t be angry and happy at the same time. This will take you years to learn, but once you  learn it life gets much easier. You will learn this about the same time you figure out that you shouldn’t let other peoples’ opinions define you. Being conscientious is good, but caring too much about what other people think is paralyzing. Stop apologizing for things that aren’t your fault. It is ok if you have a few enemies –that means that you stood for something rather than going with the crowd. The years are about to show you what real friends look like. Many of them will be ones that you already know, some you have yet to meet – all of them will lift you up when you need it. You are blessed.   

Enough is better than too much. I would tell you to invest in Apple Stock, but money won’t be the key to your happiness. The most satisfaction money will bring you is when you can use it to bring other people happiness. Don’t get me wrong, you will need to work to support your shopping and crown royal habits (and this little thing called health insurance), but you will be fairly easy to please. You discover coffee, pinot noir, running, black sweatpants, the shoe department at Nordstrom, and so many of your other favorite things in the next twenty years. The best really is yet to come!

 You learn that your TIME is more valuable than money. Three of the most important people in your life will teach you about this. About those three people, they are named Grace, Evie, and C.J. They will help you learn the things that will bring you the most joy. They will also help you to develop patience, a trait that you have never had. I would tell you to stop rushing and to try to be on time…but you will still struggle with that twenty years from now.  I am afraid it is your DNA. I wish I could give you a big hug and tell you about all of the great things in your future, but the true joy is in finding them for yourself.

Remember that your life doesn’t have to be perfect to be wonderful---and trust me your life at 40 is wonderful. Happy Birthday.